A pretty face with a cold personality. [wip]

[Javert]

Alright... I don't believe in denying characters. Therefore, because I've seen your app and know your what you're capable of, I'm going to give this a PENDING.
there are a few things I'd like to clear up and ask you to work on with Artemisa before I can take another look.

1.) Please find a play-by who looks closer to how your character actually looks. I know you said that you couldn't find one, but I consider myself a play-by finding extraordinaire, hehe, and I would love to help you out, as would any other member at Realms, I'm sure! Let me know.

2.) Pleaaaaase elaborate--on everything! You have a really good base, and I can definitely see Artemisa, but she could use some fleshing out. I'll give you some examples to get your brain a-churning.

For appearance: Give us detail! We want to be able to see her standing right in front of us. Does she have knife-like cheekbones, a wide mouth, and a square jaw? Is her beauty more feminine with bowed lips and a straight, petite nose and a softly rounded jaw? What is a "perfect body"? What's the shade of this flawless skin; how is her hair styled so that it always looks perfect?

For personality: The first thing I'd like to point out is that you use the word 'perfect' in your application 13 times. I noticed that this word also seems to apply to her personality. She's flirtatious and gets all the boys, she's cruel and cold but is loved by everyone, she's straightforward and blunt but still seems like a sweetheart... There are a lot of contradictions there that almost make her seem flawless; for every bad thing about her, there is something good about her that cancels it out. Please give her some more flaws, or at least give her more dimension--everyone has more to them than meets the eye. Again: elaborate, elaborate, elaborate, please!

For history: Hehe, I'm gonna have to throw out the e-word again. :3 How is her family rich; why weren't her parents home? (It's rare for a mother not to have been home in the Victorian era; what was she doing?) Why did her parents name her Artemisa? (Do they like mythology? Is she Greek? I'm just curious because it's a super awesome name. xD) What's her sister like? Why did they grow apart? How does she feel about her grandmother? Did anything significant happen in her childhood? When did she begin attending Florence's? How does she feel about it? What does she expect from her future? What can she remember of her past?



whew! I know it seems like I'm nit-picking a lot, but I just really want to see Artemisa for who she really is, and to get to know her as an interesting, multi-layered, three-dimensional character. Please take my suggestions into consideration. Thanks a lot!

--Javert

[j]

I definitely know she's not my best. xD
Simply put she was sort of rushed since I wasn't sure when I'd have time to work on my character again.

The picture is exactly what she looks for except for the hair. In the picture she has black hair but for the character she has honey colored hair.

I'll get to fixing her up on Monday or if I happen to have time Friday.

Oh and it's not necessarily that everyone likes her, speaking of the female population, but they just sort of pretend like they do. I'm not sure how to explain it. I see it happen all the time with girls. Some pretty face comes along and even though she's pretty mean everyone pretends to like her.

[poe at the lake with whisp]

Okay, so excuse typos, I'm on my phone, but... The first thing I noticed about your resonse to javs that really pissed me off was that you said she wasn't your best.
First of all, this site demands your best, so please, don't give me a half assed character to read. Second, I realize you were short on time but you've got all the time you want, so if you aren't confident that she'll be great then you shouldn't post her.
Also I think you have sort of a mislead idea that certain cliques and people are adored by everyone. There are certain cliques here that will say they don't like the heartbreakers and won't put up with their bull shit.
Following that, your character seems more pretty face than heartbreaker. (please read the cliques page!!!!) the heartbreakers are... Bit more slutty and flirtatious whereas the pretty faces are stand off ish and mean. BYTHEWAY! Heartbreakers go after boys not the otherway around and... They are totally not on top of the social ladder. They'd be the lowest because of their slutty standards. The victorian era would have looked down on these.

Please, edit your character to be... Not so perfect. Perfection is dull. Perfection is lame and unreal. So... Cross out those P words. (:

Sincerely,
Poe and whisper!
The much loved admins.

[j]

I'm changing it right now. c:
Oh and about the heartbreaker thing. Just wanted to point out that slutty type of girls don't exactly break hearts since guys only want slutty girls for one reason and one reason only.

[Yuki]

hijustpoppingin

Sorry Poe/Whispy if I shouldn't be commenting, but I'd just like to point out that this is the Victorian Era. Right now, all men want are wives, obviously they also want sex but wives are on the top of the list. Slutty girls are definitely not what they want, since they want a wife who will stay loyal to them and them only. I believe Heartbreakers are known as that because they promise sex, however they refuse to be wives with most of the men that they actually sleep with. Making men cry.

sorry about that, just felt like pointing that out. merp.

[Poe]

I couldn't have explained that better myself, Yuki. XD Thanks.