Realms - The Family Edition

[Tsubasa]

Because of one very, very high night, Tsub will present to you an epiphany she had. WHAT IF REALMS WAS A FAMILY?! Well here is our tree!

Javs: Crazy alcoholic Daddy.
Jenn: Mommy that has a personality disorder.
Whispy: Mother-in-law who still doesn't think that Javs is good enough for her daughter
Ayu: Old Grandpa with a cane who can only tell stories of the war.
Yuki: Aunt and Fraternal twin to Javs
Bunny: Son who is having a strange and secret incestuous relationship with Yuki
Tsub: The insane cousin that no one speaks about
Dee: Ayu's secret 20 year old lover
Poe: Javs gay stalker who keeps a shrine of Javs.
Lathriel: Daughter with a strange fetish for her grandpa Ayu
Lucky: Ex-husband of Jenn who secretly wants her back and tries but fails
Bryna: The estranged son who refused to contact his family or admit ever knowing them
Nina: Adopted Daughter from Greenland with schizophrenia and rabies.
Elsie: The long lost uncle that no one knew about till Facebook. Wonder indeed.

[Ayu]

I AM NOT THE GRANDAD, BITCH!!!!!

[Tsubasa]

YES YOU ARE GRAMPS!

[Tsubasa]

And now since Jenn put me up to a super hard challenge, I shall now do the family tree of the characters of Realms! WHOO! How great, writing this after I just finished watched 'The Number 23' on HBO with cramps, a migraine, a bag of salt from Denmark, and two more Nestea: Iced Teas. Fantastic.

I decided to make a storyline for the family, and have it as three linked families-you'll see why. So like, the first family is Saul as the daddy and Beth as the mommy but then Saul daddy kills Beth mommy and there's a big explosion and the many children are scattered across the world because I said so... Then Saul daddy marries Neeva mommy but then she divorces him and takes custody of their children. Then she goes and has a lesbian marriage with Georgetta because I said so. This results in a lot of adoption.

--First family-- (after explosion whatever)

Saul: Sadist Daddy
Beth: Masochist Mommy -deceased-
Damion: Uncle who secretly f**ked with mommy. Bad bad uncle. Whereabouts unknown.
Jamie: Daddy's drinking buddy and God-father. Later died of alcohol poisoning. Led a good life before that with his wife Iris. -deceased-
Iris: Depressed God-mother. Morned over Jamie's death, then moved on as an asexual Nun. Wait to go.
Seth: Second to youngest son. Somewhere in the Arctic with amnesia. Later on is killed and eaten by a family of polar bears. -deceased-
Miles: Insane youngest son with an unhealthy obsession for his father. Was abandoned at a young age in the jungle and raised by rabid monkeys.
Mei: Hyperactive youngest daughter. Was abandoned also at a young age in the jungle and raised by Asian kung-fu fighting pandas who taught her how to fight. Then the Pandas and the Monkeys had a world war, but then ended up with a peace treaty, and continued with Mei and Miles having a strange incestuous make-out session.
Fran: Over-optimistic second to youngest daughter. Was found by a tribe in the Bahamas where she was thought to be their goddess. Is living the good life with lots of flowers.
Tali: Unlucky eldest daughter. Everything horribly possible happened to her, and now lives in an insane asylum singing about dead gardens. She has a room mate named Lou who sings something about dark chests of wonder. They made out intensely.
Peter: Failure eldest brother. Failed. He just plain failed. No question. Just failed. Is still a failure, will be a failure, and was a failure. Living as a bum on the streets.
Lou: Tali's room mate in the insane asylum who sings something about dark chests of wonder. Went crazy because every girlfriend he ever had either dumped him or went lesbian, which basically were the same things.

--Second Family--

Saul: Still Sadist Daddy. His killings are unknown to Neeva. Got pissed when he learned most of his sons were gay (or bi)...and later on his wife. And that they were all practically having incestuous relationships and longings. Had a mental breakdown.
Neeva: Super happy and oblivious mommy. Delusional and still can't figure out why when she and Saul have sex she has no orgasm and has to finish it herself in the bathroom...*coughs*
Salem: Neeva's crazy old mother who had her when she was 40. Is now 85, alive, and kicking. Literally. She is the oldest female wrestling champion in history to date. But recently had to retire after she pulled her back while pulling off a back flip...Hey, at least she still won that fight.
Clyde: Neeva's lesbian sister and the Aunt. Hates Saul and constantly makes his life miserable. Led him to the mental breakdown. Has a happy relationship with her girlfriend Lizzy. Sadly went to jail after beating up a girl and giving her a concussion in a bar after calling her a 'tool-belt wearing lesbo'.
Lizzy: Clyde's over-protective girlfriend. After Clyde went to jail Lizzy used her awesome Lizzie powers to break her out and then currently live as refugees under the names of 'Regis' and 'Kelly'. Whereabouts are unknown.
Dante: Eldest son. Emo and manic-depressive. Has a gay incestuous relationship with his younger brother Dorian and a incestuous relationship with his sister Ara..... Died from cutting. -deceased-
Phillip: Second to eldest son. Hates his brother Dante with a passion and especially because he had a relationship with Ara who he secretly loves. Freaked, left the family, and flew to somewhere in the bahamas....There he met a nice girl named Fran and they got married. He is now the Tribal God of some strange tribe...nice..
Dorian: Second to youngest son. An anti-feminist who hates all girls an his mom especially. When Dante died he ran off and became a priest. Then had a spring on secret relationship with an elder nun named Iris. Were found out and thrown out of the church. Live a happy yet strange life.
Gabe: Youngest son. Confessed he was gay to his father and was thrown out. Had many gay lovers and then developed AIDS. Was retaken in by Neeva when she remarried and had one of the adopted sisters cast a spell to cure the AIDS. (wonder who?) Now had a steady secret relationship with his teacher Demetrio.
Celeste: Eldest daughter. Always tried to be better than Dante, harassed him and tried to ruin his life. This led to his death. Felt victorious now that she was the eldest but then was killed by Ara in pure rage. -deceased-
Ara: Second to eldest daughter. Was in love with her brother Dante and then after killing Celeste in rage from his death, went insane and became a serial killer. Beware teenage pretty and popular brunette girls, she might come after you thinking you are her sister....muahaha.....
Cicily: Middle daughter. Had a secret love for her brother Dorian, and was sad when he ran away. She, in spite of this, ran away herself and discovered the amazing religion of Scientology. Is now an obsessed Tom Cruise fan girl and stalked him.
Ariel: Second to youngest daughter. Is a whore and the only one (besides cel but she doesn't count because she's cel) not for incest. Bipolar, she was sent to a psychiatrist who she made out with, slept with, and then fell in love with. Too bad he has a wife. Well, who cares? She didn't. They teamed together and killed the wife, then ran away to Australia and grew mustaches.
Avery: Youngest daughter. Had a love for her elder sister Ariel and was sad when she ran away to Australia. Went on a search to find her but ran into Indiana Jones on one of his crazy quests, but since he was f**king eighty he had to have his son, Shi laBuff do all the work which led to him running away and finding a gay lover. Avery became his new adopted daughter and together they solved the mystery of why that crocodile guy died. Then had hot crazy sex. And this is all true.

-- Third Family --
Neeva: Mommy. Is finally able to have orgasms after she divorced Saul and remarried Georgeta, realizing 'with a little help from her sister' that she was a lesbian.
Georgetta: Mommy's wife. Found Neeva when she was drunk in a bar moaning about how she couldn't get an orgasm during sex. Georgetta 'helped' her with that. And they fell in love. And adopted a shit load of foreign children.
Alice: Georgeta's sister. Was a super hippie that did every drug possible screaming about saving the world and global warming. When she met the super clean and sober Sterling, he helped her ditch all that shit and they fell in love and married. Unknown to him she secretly takes some acid in her lemonade every day. Shhhhh...
Sterling: Alice's husband. He helped her let go of all the hippie drugs and stuff, and then married her. He knows that she puts Acid in her lemonade everyday so he replaces it with real lemonade without her knowing. Shhhhh...
Schoo: Insane cousin of Georgeta. Broke out the insane asylum twice, while nude, and jumped in front of her car before she could leave for work. Suffered from multiple injuries, but it also sent a shock to his head and now he's normal. Well...at least that's what he WANTS everyone to think. He's just that diabolical.
Gio: Georgeta's brother. A bisexual, starving artist who lived in Italy asking people on the street annoyingly if they wanted him to sketch their picture. Because of their 'beautiful blond hair' or 'intriguing shape' which is what all those hobo artists say in Italy to get you to have a picture drawn for a shit load of money. I've been there, done that. Anyway, he was founded by super millionaire Taki and they fell in love.
Taki: Gio's lover. He was a japanese doctor who found the cure to cancer, and got filthy rich from it. He fell in love with a woman who he thought loved him, but she only got knocked up, left him with the kid, and ran off with tons of his money. Depressed, he went on a cruise to Italy where he found Gio and then fell in love again.
Jason: Taki's son from a previous girlfriend. He's secretly in love with his Dad but knows that's strange so he ran away to the circus where he became a clown. Then he met another clown named Mana who adopted him until Mana died and so he tried to bring him back and....*COUGHD.GRAY-MANREFERANCECOUGHHACK* >>
Jared: Eldest son of Alice and Sterling. Fell in love with his aunty Georgetta but her being his aunt, taken, and a lesbian, he knew it was never meant to be. Knowing this he turned gay and had hot crazy sex with Bryce.
Elijah: Youngest son of Alice and Sterling. Wanted to be in the army, so he got went in training and shaved his head and crap. At one point when he was skydiving off of a plane, he had an epiphany about life, itself, and what it meant. Unfortunately he never got a chance to explain this as he was attacked by rabid seagulls mid-air and fell into a lake. Nobody knows what happened after that...but...some say there's a creepy lake ghost just around the army training camp..ooooOOOOooooooOOOoooh!
Bryce: Adopted eldest son. Was always straight and had many girlfriend, even a serial killer *cough*, but that ended horribly when she got pissed and started screaming at him for not being someone else and attempted to kill him. He then ran away and found a boy named Jared, where in desperation, had hot crazy sex with. He doesn't know if he regrets this or not.
Viktor: Adopted Russian middle son and real brother to Sapphire. Secret secret lover to his teacher Demetrio, and then when he and Gabe both found out that they were having secret relationships with the same teacher, had a super cat-fight involving mud and cloths being ripped off. This ending in hot, hot gay sex. They never fought after that. And Demetrio never saw them again after that. Poor Dem. *me:coughNOTcough*
Abel: Adopted African youngest son. Became a music recorder and producer, but was a Casanova who went around with many girls, even though he loved a certain girl that he could never have. He got sad and decided to visit the asylum one day to perhaps see if Hurley from Lost actually resided there, only to here the most beautiful singing from one of the rooms. He found a girl named Tali who then he sold into the music industry and they lived happily ever after. *gag*
Momo: Adopted Japanese eldest daughter. She's a whore who sold herself into prostitution only to get knocked up and with AIDS. Was cured by Sapphire, but left with the f**king kid. Sold the kid on ebay for $25 and then bought a six pack of beer with that....
Sapphire: Adopted Russian youngest daughter and real sister to Viktor. A crazy and super strong witch, she blew up the house about ten times already, then had to fix it. Is a pyromaniac with a fetish for wrestling. She even in the end fought an 80 year old woman in a match, who was supposedly retired, and beat the living shit outa her. Great achievement...>>
Edward: Sapphire's enemy/boyfriend. Nobody can tell for sure after they have twenty-three fights a day. Later on obtained lots of black-mailing information of the entire family and it's history. But still somehow remained Sapphire's boyfriend.......we believe so...
Demetrio: Teacher of all the children and the previous children. He was having relationships with two of his students, Gabe and Viktor, until they fell in love with each other and left him. Getting fired after the Principle found this out, he became a bum on the street who gave blow-jobs for ten bucks. *AHHAHA*
Harlow: Demetrio's brother. He had a loving wife before until she ditched him to live in the wild because she was a f**king hippie. He then was left with his lesbian daughter Lathriel and no idea what the f**k to do. So he did what anybody else would do...became a porn star. Yup, what anyone else would do.
Lathriel: Harlow's daughter from his deceased wife. Was shocked when her father became a porn star and ran away in shame. She then lived in Texas where she was a waitress for a cheap road-side diner, where she met her now steady lover Amira. Being cast out of Texas since they're all homophobes and Bush lovers, they moved back to the North and lived a happy life.
Amira: Lathriel's lesbian lover. Was a hippie with a guitar who always hitchhiked on the road, until she met Lathriel and they fell in love. She ditched the guitar and took up the piano, and was so good she played along Elton John until he got jealous and bitchy, so she took the spot light. IN HIS FACEEE.


AND THAT'S IT! If i missed anyone I'm terribly sorry and I will add them right away. I had a lot of fun with this, as I was able to express and play with my deranged and psychotic mind. Yes...fun... I'm also sure that people will either love this, hate this, or be scared to death by this. I'm sure something in here is insulting or crude...

[Ayu]

*now officially dead of laughter* ;D ROFLMAOSMHOK

(Btw just realised the mun family is missing Bryna. I put her forward as the estranged son who refused to contact his family or admit ever knowing them.)

[Tsubasa]

Done! =3 Oh and by the way, I just love how this google add appears over this thread:

'Mother-in-law Insanity
You are not alone daughter-in-law Come swap stories & get/give advice
www.motherinlawhell.com'

xDDDD

[Ayu]

Did I mention that Gio would SO TOTALLY do that? In fact he nearly did?
And slightly less blatant D.G-M references kthxbai. *coughibetyourecognisegeorgeta'smannamecough*

[Tsubasa]

xDDD sorry, couldn't resist. *coughandyesididcough*

[Ayu]

Ashamed to admit that that was one of the ones that made me lol most ><
*coughitmademefeelsoweeabooish...allencross!cough*

[Tsubasa]

Don't be ashamed!
*coughcrossallenisthesmexiestpairingeverbesidestykiallencough* xD

[Ayu]

MAYBE I WANT TO BE ASHAMED!
*coughlieslavikandaandkomuireeverarebettercough*

[Tsubasa]

FINE THEN! BE ASHAMED!
*coughfucknoihatelavikandaandkomuireeverarefinebutanythingwithallenonthebottomformeisgoodbecauseiwuvvleshimcough*

[Ayu]

FINE! I WILL!!! *hangs head in shame*
*coughhowdareyoukomuireeverismyotpforalltimealthoughiloveallentooandmysisterreckonsi'mmostlikeallencough*

[Tsubasa]

OKAY GOOD! *stares*
*coughkomuireeverisfineitslavikandaidontlikesinceionlylikeeitherofthemwithallenandsomeonesaidimmostlikerhodewhichscaredmecough*